I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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