I hate all girls vehemently.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
