She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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