so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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