did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
