Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
