he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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