the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
