just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
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