Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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