I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
