Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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