so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
