In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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