Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
please come you make the beer taste better
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
