a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
