She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
