I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
