life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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