Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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