Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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