I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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