its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You smell like stripper and shame
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
