Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
