It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
