tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just made my gag reflex go away.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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