you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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