Even the bartender felt bad for me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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