what day is it and did you see me today?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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