Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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