My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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