3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
