got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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