Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
