just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
im six kinds of drunk right now
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
