My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Can you bring me the toilet please
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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