Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
