Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
