I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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