Who wears a wallet chain?!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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