I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
third nipple confirmed
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
