that's an acceptable place to lick
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
