can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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