hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
