I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
