I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
