woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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