btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
