Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
