Your face is a jimmy john
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
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