Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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