i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
