I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
