I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
