I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
