dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
