Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
