i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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