Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
