Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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