so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
