That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
