I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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