Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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