I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
