shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
